I've Tried Everything and Now It's My Turn to Let the Table Turn.

Only the Beginning of Something New!

What started out to be so small in size became something that I became disgusted with. And that would be myself. I look in the mirror and I can see the person who I have become. I see bulges and it makes me so sick and I never want to leave the house anymore. People try to reassure me but I know what i see. See, I'm not skinny at all, so their tries were futile. I weigh 233 pounds and I can't seem to get over this plateau, no matter how much I have tried this year. I mean, fuck, I even had weight loss surgery almost two years ago! I lost 50 pounds and hit this shit and still nothing.

What am I supposed to do with myself? I'm 20, fucking, years old.  

My doctor prescribed my Topamax a few weeks ago for the migraines that I have been having. Load and behold, they curb hunger like no other so that helps me out a lot. I rarely eat anymore. A helping hint: To lose more weight than just quitting eating; that shit don't work. you have to confuse your immune system. Use blueberries, strawberries and green tea. That'll confuse the shit out of your immune system. That way you'll confuse your immune system and lose as much weight you want. I started this a couple weeks ago and I've already lost 15 pounds. 

I don't plan on always being this way and I hope to God that it doesn't stick but i'm sick and tired of being obese and people looking at me differently. I didn't have a normal childhood. i dreamed of being skinny and going shopping and people actually wanting to be my friend for me. Society didn't push me into this; I did that myself. I just want to be able to accept myself for once and do it my way. I want things to go my way and after 15 or so years of being obese, I would say that after all the dieting and lifestyle bullshit, that I deserve it. 

People are always talking about anorexia. I rarely see something about obesity as a disease that is caused my binge eating, caused by emotions, much like anorexia and the mental state. They're both connected in so many ways and people, I think, don't connect them in so many ways that they should be. They are both eating disorders, which can lead to death, one way or another and have complications.

Quotes of the Day:

"I'm Not There Yet, But I'm Closer Than I Was Yesterday!"

"If there's a place that I could be

Then I'd be another memory

Can I be the only hope for you?

Because you're the only hope for me

And if we can't find where we belong

We'll have to make it on our own

Face all the pain and take it on

Because the only hope for me is you alone."

- My Chemical Romance "The Only Hope For Me Is You."