Close Our Eyes And Pray For Faster Days!
Since the beginning of when I started to become Pro-Ana, everyday seems like the very first day. Each day doesn't seem harder than the last; just hard in general.
"If it's worth it, fight for it!"
I need to lose weight more than I want anything. It's always been a dream of mine to be in size 7, even if it's for a week. Just so I know what it's like to be that size and to have that experience and then I can go back to my normal range. Although, I am supposed to be 118-125 pounds. I have 106 to 113 pounds to lose. This may be the most unhealthy way but I have literally tried every alternative.
I've watched my sister, mother, aunt, cousin, and best friend try this method and it has worked for them. Why can't I try it for myself? Why can't I have my hand at being happy? My mother is always onto me about my weight and how I should stop eating like she did and now I have finally taken her advice. It's not like I haven't read up on this. I spent weeks reading about Ana before I decided on doing this, plus school helped me, whether not they knew it.
In high school, and college, they show videos of people with Anorexia and what it's like and their stories but what people don't understand is that, for an obese person to see that, it looks like a wonderful opportunity for them. It's a beautiful opening for me and the schools have given them all the information an obese person needs to be Pro-Ana. I would like to thank them now for helping me on this journey. They have been the biggest help! I wouldn't have known as much as I would have today without them. They gave me resources and years of knowledge to consider if this was for me or not, so thank you.
Anyways, I'll be honest, I was terrified of Ana at first but I just have to control her is all. I have to take her in strides before I get to where I want to be. I'm not doing this for my mother or a boy or anyone else, I'm doing this for myself and that's enough for me!
I fight everyday not to eat. Every time I think of eating I think of fat and how it is every where on my body. I think of how disgusted I am with myself and of how people must look at me. I want to be able to go shopping for once and buy whatever I like and not have to worry about if it is in the plus size section. I'm going to fight for this and every time I overcome wanting to eat, I am happy, believe it or not. I get to keep those calories and shed them! I rejoice in that and I won't ever let someone bring me down because of what they think or what there views are.
I've watched my sister, mother, aunt, cousin, and best friend try this method and it has worked for them. Why can't I try it for myself? Why can't I have my hand at being happy? My mother is always onto me about my weight and how I should stop eating like she did and now I have finally taken her advice. It's not like I haven't read up on this. I spent weeks reading about Ana before I decided on doing this, plus school helped me, whether not they knew it.
In high school, and college, they show videos of people with Anorexia and what it's like and their stories but what people don't understand is that, for an obese person to see that, it looks like a wonderful opportunity for them. It's a beautiful opening for me and the schools have given them all the information an obese person needs to be Pro-Ana. I would like to thank them now for helping me on this journey. They have been the biggest help! I wouldn't have known as much as I would have today without them. They gave me resources and years of knowledge to consider if this was for me or not, so thank you.
Anyways, I'll be honest, I was terrified of Ana at first but I just have to control her is all. I have to take her in strides before I get to where I want to be. I'm not doing this for my mother or a boy or anyone else, I'm doing this for myself and that's enough for me!
I fight everyday not to eat. Every time I think of eating I think of fat and how it is every where on my body. I think of how disgusted I am with myself and of how people must look at me. I want to be able to go shopping for once and buy whatever I like and not have to worry about if it is in the plus size section. I'm going to fight for this and every time I overcome wanting to eat, I am happy, believe it or not. I get to keep those calories and shed them! I rejoice in that and I won't ever let someone bring me down because of what they think or what there views are.
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